Something I've learned after having Che (and that Gurmukh mentioned on one of her book) is: "Babies bring blessings with them." Babies don't need much. Actually, babies just need physical nurture (milk) and emotional stability; to know and feel that they are being taken care of.
This got me thinking about baby registries and the whole propaganda behind the notion of "you need to have a lot of money to have a kid."
Let me tell you something: No, you don't. Yes, there is that part of them going to college, or braces; but babies (talking about cheesy-out-of-the-womb babies) "cry" for simplicity:
They don't need a nursery or even a crib, they need to be close to you (in bed with you or in a co-sleeper). They don't need many clothes or many pairs of shoes (they grow so fast!). They absolutely
don't need a stroller, they want to be carried...and if you think carriers are expensive (well, they are) you can totally make a sling out of an old sheet using a rebozo carry or a stretchy wrap using old t-shirts (google it!). Babies don't need monitors. *You* should monitor them. Babies don't need lots of toys, they are happier with the spoons from your kitchen or an apple.
From ALL the things we've been gifted few of them were actually necessary. And I don't want to sound ungrateful or like I know everything, because I don't. Every parent is different. But there is so much about our society that wants to direct our energy towards materialism, looking to distract us from what its really important and from what really matters. The "baby industry" has created a whole market with super long lists to tell you what to buy and what you REALLY need for a tiny being that just wants to be held. They tell you you need nursing bras, nursing shirts, cover ups, etc, etc, etc. And again: NO, you don't need those things. Get a very comfy bra, with no wires, and use your very lovely v-neck shirts or the ones with buttons. (You will need nursing pads though. No one told me I would need those.)
There should be no need for baby showers or at least not for the ones we know about... Those "showers" should be focused more on giving the new mom emotional support, substancial advice, vouchers for giving her a break or making her dinner/doing the dishes. Things don't buy happiness or success on this journey. Things mean nothing for a baby or for a confused parent. But we still "buy" that shit about babies being complicated and expensive and that probably makes other cultures laugh about our ways of dealing with birth and what comes after. Maybe they wonder: where is the community that will surround the new mom? Where is the sisterhood that will help her understand the changes on her body or her hormonal changes? Well, we are growing out of communities. Instead of that we have baby registries and "What to expect when expecting". We turn to Target to ask "What's my baby going to need?" instead of a fellow mama.
In case you are pregnant and you are reading this. Let me be your "community" and tell you:
Babies are simple. They just need you (all of you)...and a clean diaper.
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This post its part of a blogging challenge. You can find other posts on the theme of "Finding Community" on Instagram under the hashtag #tomorrowproject
