While you were sleeping

Guru,

Its 2:31 in the morning and I can't sleep. I look at you from time to time because I love watching you sleep (you will find out when I show you all your sleeping pictures). This journey has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. I often wonder what Im gonna learn from all of this.

Being a mom hurts. Sometimes.

There its so much that I dont know.

There its a lot of fear. But also laughs.

And your little body carrying that thrifted dinosaur you love so much.

You are simple, guru. People buy you gifts but you prefer to play with the box. You prefer to look at my lips move when Im reading you a story.

You find joy, pure joy, in fruits.
And food, in general.

I know that you dont understand whats happening to you and its so hard for me to watch you going through this because when you are upset I cant remember that joyful baby of mine. It all seems so distant.

Im here with you but Im not. I cant relate to you. I cant heal you. I cant make you sleep better.

One thing its for sure, my teacher:

You only need my arms to be happy.

People might say I let you suffer but they dont know about the hours we spend on the couch hugging just so that you dont think about your pain.

One day, you will grow older and I hope you dont remember this part of your life that you dont deserve. But I do hope you know that hugs are the best medicine.

For an itchy itchy bod.
For a heart~aching mama,

That every day wonders if she is doing it right.

10 months of Guru Che

  10 month celebration smoothie face. ^

^
10 month celebration apple pouch. :)

My guru is 9 months

I waited 9 months to meet him and this year was my first Mother's day with him Earth side. I wish I could bottle up this moments while he is still tiny. He loves eating apples, bean burgers and kale/green peas puree. He crawls fast and is standing up on his own. He still likes to sleep on me. His upper teeth are slowly coming in.

Che, you are better than I've ever thought you will be. You bring so much joy to my heart. I'm complete because of you.

Babies are simple

Something I've learned after having Che (and that Gurmukh mentioned on one of her book) is: "Babies bring blessings with them." Babies don't need much. Actually, babies just need physical nurture (milk) and emotional stability; to know and feel that they are being taken care of.

This got me thinking about baby registries and the whole propaganda behind the notion of "you need to have a lot of money to have a kid."

Let me tell you something: No, you don't. Yes, there is that part of them going to college, or braces; but babies (talking about cheesy-out-of-the-womb babies) "cry" for simplicity:

They don't need a nursery or even a crib, they need to be close to you (in bed with you or in a co-sleeper). They don't need many clothes or many pairs of shoes (they grow so fast!). They absolutely
don't need a stroller, they want to be carried...and if you think carriers are expensive (well, they are) you can totally make a sling out of an old sheet using a rebozo carry or a stretchy wrap using old t-shirts (google it!). Babies don't need monitors. *You* should monitor them. Babies don't need lots of toys, they are happier with the spoons from your kitchen or an apple.

From ALL the things we've been gifted few of them were actually necessary. And I don't want to sound ungrateful or like I know everything, because I don't. Every parent is different. But there is so much about our society that wants to direct our energy towards materialism, looking to distract us from what its really important and from what really matters. The "baby industry" has created a whole market with super long lists to tell you what to buy and what you REALLY need for a tiny being that just wants to be held. They tell you you need nursing bras, nursing shirts, cover ups, etc, etc, etc. And again: NO, you don't need those things. Get a very comfy bra, with no wires, and use your very lovely  v-neck shirts or the ones with buttons. (You will need nursing pads though. No one told me I would need those.)

There should be no need for baby showers or at least not for the ones we know about... Those "showers" should be focused more on giving the new mom emotional support, substancial advice, vouchers for giving her a break or making her dinner/doing the dishes. Things don't buy happiness or success on this journey. Things mean nothing for a baby or for a confused parent. But we still "buy" that shit about babies being complicated and expensive and that probably makes other cultures laugh about our ways of dealing with birth and what comes after. Maybe they wonder: where is the community that will surround the new mom? Where is the sisterhood that will help her understand the changes on her body or her hormonal changes? Well, we are growing out of communities. Instead of that we have baby registries and "What to expect when expecting". We turn to Target to ask "What's my baby going to need?" instead of a fellow mama.

In case you are pregnant and you are reading this. Let me be your "community" and tell you:

Babies are simple. They just need you (all of you)...and a clean diaper.

***

This post its part of a blogging challenge. You can find other posts on the theme of "Finding Community" on Instagram under the hashtag #tomorrowproject

Meal planning, vegan style

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about food. Not like before when I was pregnant or single/poor grad student, but as a mom and as a wife. I don't want to spend much time in the kitchen and I also don't want to spend all of our money in food (though, that's where most of our money goes). I started meal planning to save money and to think more creatively in our menu... and I love it!

I know some people think they can't do it because they change their mind too much but I was like that and now I meal plan without putting a date to my planning, if that makes any sense? I just know what I'm going to be cooking for the rest of the week without being a plan freak. ;)

Here are some of my tips:

1) While making the plan, make your shopping list. Look for stuff that you already have and build your plan accordingly.

Example: if you have tortillas from that time you made tacos, include enchiladas in your meal plan. That's an item you don't have to buy. (You probably have the beans too).

2) Buy a recipe book or go to Pinterest.

While recipe books gives you specific ideas on what to cook, I find that in Pinterest you just type an ingredient and they give you tons of recipes! 

Example: You already have quinoa. Type "vegan quinoa recipes". Done.

3) Resist going to the store!

Work with what you have until you end up with nothing in the fridge. You could totally make a soup, or pizza, or pasta dish with all the random ingredients you have on hand BEFORE making a trip to the store. 

4) Soak and pre-cook your beans then freeze them.

 Pick a day and cook large batches of beans and store them, that way, in the future, you don't need to use canned beans.

5) Buy local and according to what's on sale! Make your meal plan around those items/produce.

Here its a list (of dinner ideas) I made a while ago inspired in cookbooks and Pinterest.

You can see there are a lot of common ingredients because I was trying to use up what I had left.

• Lentil and Sweet Potato Chunky Stew
• Black bean and potato burritos with rice and guacamole
• Veggie Stir fry over rice
• Spicy potatoes with peppers and onions + corn bread
• Bean chili + Corn bread
• Chick pea and cauliflower curry over cous cous
• Cashew and Spinach pesto pasta with steamed veggies
• Tofu and lentil lasagna
• Veggie teriyaki noodles

Buen provecho!

• 
  

Motherhood according to Facebook and Instagram

I want to be honest. 

Today that's what I want to be: HONEST and humble... transparent and HUMAN. 

And I want to use my words to explode and to burst everyone's bubbles too because I feel there is a need to do that. So, here goes nothing, and everything.

I've been having one of the roughest times of my life lately. I've never experienced so much happiness and sadness at the same time. I've never felt more exhausted and miserable but lucky in my entire existence. And I feel like I need to be honest with all of you because I don't want you to think that because I portray myself always happy that I'm always happy. 

(I'm not... My husband could talk to you more about that.)

I've been thinking a lot about how social media has affected our lives and our perception about motherhood and marriage and relationships (just because this is what I think about the most lately). We always publish the perfect pictures, the perfect moments... but life doesn't have a filter, you don't crop or retake. Life is raw; it can be hard and it can make you cry. 

I never take pictures of my teething baby crying (oh, that boy can cry!), in fact I have way too many  pictures of him sleeping; quite, still. I portray him all perfect when in reality he is just a normal, average baby that nurse every two hours during the night, that gets upset, that likes tickles, that cries when he gets hurts... But I contribute to that whole notion about motherhood being the easiest, most gentle job you would ever had. When in reality some days my husband comes home from work and I'm still in my pjs, I haven't brushed my teeth yet, I probably burnt our dinner, the teething baby has refused to nap, there is a pile of dishes in the sink, blah, blah, blah...and I JUST want 2 minutes to go poop alone. Just 2 minutes. 

When I think about what I've known about motherhood I always think about my own mom. I barely remember her being mad or taken a moment for herself. She was always with us. In fact, I remember being playing with my toys in front of her while she was in the bathroom. She never closed her door and she didn't seemed bothered by us... She never asked for help and she had TWO babies. Why can't I be more like that? 

And then the other thought: what if I wasn't born to be a mom? Should I have stayed in school and do my Phd, kept writing about feminism and culture and all that jazz and just get a pet? Because this is NOT what I expected. I definitely don't have that mama glow that Instagram makes you have every day. My life doesn't sound as funny as I make it look in my statuses on Facebook. I probably get frustrated as often as I smile...and there is a constant up and down of hormonal emotions. 

It could be easier to post for everyone to see my struggles, and how I think I fail to "mom" the way I want to do it... How I fail to be always calm and the perfect smiley wife to my husband ALL the time. But I don't want to do that, because 1- there is already too much negativity and sadness in the world and  2- because that only belongs to us and to our past. Yes, relationships are private and we DESERVE to keep them private and sacred, but that doesn't mean life is a constant parade of rainbows and unicorns. And that doesn't mean that because I don't post about it that I have a baby that never cries, that always takes his naps, that plays with his toys for hours, that never whines when I'm not holding him for 2 seconds, yada yada yada... That doesn't mean that I haven't screamed to my husband and that we live in a constant stage of cupcake farts. 

But that's how life is and we shouldn't forget about that. That we are humans living a real life behind that Facebook perfect profile picture. And that beyond that I've chosen to remember the bliss of my life, because I do have a wonderful life. More beautiful than those pictures I post. Because even though we are an imperfect family, we forgive and start fresh... And because we know that just like everything in life nothing stays, everything evolves, and this rough stage of ups and downs shall also pass. 

8 meses...y algunos dias.

8 meses...and thinking about another baby?

Guru de mi vida,

One day I'm going to look back to these days and think: "gosh, you were tiny". But looking at you right now you are so big (so infinite) compared to the little 8 pounds newborn you were once. Every day you grow a little bit more. You have so much personality: you are determined and strong, you are serious but such a happy baby... and, oh, boy, you are so goofy.

This whole thing of being your mom...it feels like it's been such a long journey already. And we are just starting... you are just growing up so fast.

Its overwhelming...

 I'm going to miss these days of me being your whole world. I'm going to miss your little outfits in the laundry and your excitement when you see me again after I take a quick trip to the bathroom. ;)

To be honest, when I think about missing that little self of yours I think I should give you a sibling so that I could always have a small body, next to mine, in my sling. But that's not going to solve this dilemma of you growing up and for now that would only make things more...crowded. I don't wanna replace you. I want YOU to be my baby forever. And Guru, you are such a complex human being. You need *me*. All of me, all the time...

So, for now, I think it should be only us: you...and me.

Just try not to grow so fast.

Please.

Mama.

Update:

~ He has eaten: refried beans, carrots, potato, apple & peach. He also like smoothies.
~ He is standing by holding unto whatever he grabs.
~ He loves swings and going to the park.
~ He loves looking at himself in the mirror.

Thoughts on WHY I wear my Guru

I know this is very cliche to say but since I gave birth to Guru Che I've learned so much about myself and about my own moral values. Some lessons that I've probably wouldn't have ever gotten to learn if it wasn't for him. Of course, because they are lessons that came along with him they are also so related to motherhood but also with how I see the world, how I want to experience the world and what kind of experience I want to provide or facilitate for him.

Very often people ask me why we don't use a stroller (we do have one and we've used it twice haha). I think strollers can be very useful for some occasions, but I will always have a special place in my heart for babywearing.

The first thing I bought when I got pregnant was a baby carrier because I wanted to manifest that future closeness with my baby. That was part of my plan: to keep him close to me not only to nurture him, but to comfort him and because I wanted to make sure he was going to feel protected...never ignored or alone.

One of the many things I read while pregnant was about this awesome statistic that confirms that in cultures where babywearing its a "norm" babies cry WAY less than in "our" (Western) culture (I'm referring to an article written by Dr. Sears called "Benefits of Babywearing").  Dr. Sears called this babies that are worn "sling babies" (I absolutely love that term) and he points out the interesting differences between a baby that is worn and a baby that is not carried often, like for example: sling babies are less fussy.

"But of course...", said my mom once, "why would he cry? You are holding him!" Yes, mom, and there is nothing wrong to hold a baby that is crying. There is nothing wrong if what the baby wants is to be held. Consider the 4th trimester theory... Babies outside the womb are starting to get used to a whole new world. Its natural (and expected, for me) that my baby wants to be close to me as much as possible. He was inside of me for 9 months! He knows how my insides sound, for God sake! So, yeah, I do find beneficial that when I put my baby on my back or in his sling he gets calmer, usually ending in a good nap.

Dr. Sears says (and I believe this too now that I'm a mom) that in our society is normal to believe that babies cry a lot "...in Western culture we measure a baby's crying in hours, but in other cultures, crying is measured in minutes." Common sense then tells you: in cultures where the baby is carried often they  cry maybe because they are hungry...(or wet? or cold?) If a baby is being held one of her most important needs is been met: closeness to her main source of nurture. If the mom is not carrying the baby, she will not wait longer to pick the baby up again... See the difference between hours and minutes? A gentle approach gives you a gentle response...no baby will "argue" to be carried. The response will always be love.

 There is lovely~ness in wearing a baby; something very different from what I've experienced while using a stroller. On our walks, before Che falls asleep on my chest or on my back, I talk to him... I explain things to him. I encourage him to say hi to people or dogs. I tell him about colors, the weather. I ask him questions. With the strollers that kind of interaction is not viable. He is way "over there" and our experience seems completely different because we are not at the same "level". The same happens while we are at home. I enjoy having him close while I cook dinner and I certainly love looking at him experiencing the process of cooking with me. 
Dr. Sears talks about that too: what babies do when they don't fuss? They learn... "Sling babies spend more time in the state of quite alertness...Researchers have also reported that carried babies show enhanced visual and auditorial alertness." And connecting this thought with another one, Sears says that sling babies are smarter because there are many nerves being stimulated, allowing the brain to grow and develop. These babies are more attentive and almost interact in adult conversations and are also learning a valuable lesson: to listen. For Dr. Sears the act of wearing a baby "... enhances speech development."

And these are some of the things I've learned about myself while wearing Che... I understood more clearly what I wanted to give to the world as a mother and what kind of mother I'm becoming because of babywearing. I wanted to carry into mother Earth a more humanized human. SIMPLE. A human that wasn't exposed to crying just for the sake of crying or for the sake of making him "more independent". A human that will remember being in his mom's arms for most of his childhood: learning, laughing, maybe going through some teething and crying...but close to his mom. A human that was treated with respect because he deserves it. A human that was encouraged to explore. 

I've learned that its pure instinct the need of being close to your baby, to be gentle to that soul that will become what they experience; what they will remember. I've learned that if I want the world to be a better, more peaceful world I needed to start growing it with my own seed. I can't wait for others to change the world for me.

So, yeah. We are in the process of changing the world... Two arms and one sling at a time.

7 meses

Che is 7 months and is my Papa's birth~day today! 

Reflecting in how beauty~full Life is. 

What a gift is to be alive and to recognize how blessed I've been:

I got and still get to learn from one of the most smart people I know: my dad. Even though we share different political ideas, he showed me how to debate with respect and with facts; to nurture myself first so that I could have good arguments in the future. He never said those things with words, but with his example. I always thought: "man, I wanna be smart like him and not look stupid."
My dad doesn't like small talk. And he doesn't talk much... I remember reading the newspaper just so that I could have something important to talk with him. Yeah, it might sound depressing to some people but to me, it wasn't. It was that or to have dinner in silence.  Sometimes when I call him he asks me if I know what's going on in the island and if I say no, he makes a long pause and says: "hmm, read..." What a respectable and passionate man my dad is. Seriously.

And then this baby.... I get to learn from him too. Every day. To get excited about the simplest things. To recognize that it most be a huge deal to taste lettuce for the first time. To recognize that he is getting to form his own opinion, his own personality and that its forbidden for me to intervene on that matter... 

What an amazing thing is to see this baby grow in front of my eyes.

Love, love, love...to all of you... from my overflowing heart in this Saturday. 

(Update: Che sat on his own on Thursday. He has tried banana, avocado, hummus and sweet potato. He has 2 teefs. He is very tickleish. And he found his penis.)

6 months of Guru Che

My wise guru is 6 months out of my womb today. Life is full of adventures because of him, full of learning and spiritual growing. I only wish I can be the mom that he really deserves...so I keep learning... listening. This life and this moment are my most important school. Grateful to be in it.

Vegan Heart Reese's!

We could care less about Valentine's day, but there is ALWAYS an excuse to celebrate love. Always and forever. Especially if your little baby turns 6 months today! 6 months already!
So much growing have been happening around us and we couldn't be more grateful.

I made these little hearts for dessert today. *Our oven broke so these are no bake pieces of heaven.*

Ingredients:

1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup of peanut butter (I divided it and used almond butter too)
3 tablespoons of butter or Tofutti cream cheese
1/2 cup of chocolate chips




Soften the butter a little bit and mix with the powdered sugar.
Then incorporate the peanut butter to the sugar mix.
Its supposed to be pretty thick.

At this point you can do what I did and put the mixture into a shaped tray or just make little balls.
Put them in the freezer.

Now, melt the chocolate chips and dip the peanut butter balls in it!

Refrigerate and enjoy by dinner time!

Hoping your day and every day is filled with genuine love, warm hugs, bliss and abundance!
Its good to live with a full heart! <3

living in Mother~hood street

Some women dream about getting married and having children...a full kitchen with multiple pairs of feet running around; children with their mouths full of fresh cut fruit. I wasn't one of those. I wanted to write poetry, I wanted to do graffitis on the streets of San Juan, I wanted to be on the newspapers talking about Communism, I wanted to teach feminism to young people. I didn't want a belly or the pair of feet. But they came to me,

and I humbled myself.
and I prayed for wisdom.
and I surrendered to the Universe...to whoever decided I was ready to be a mama.

Motherhood is devotion, I learned as I accepted the fact that this blessing was given to me for a reason.

He (my guru) came to me and I didn't have a clue of what I was doing.

But motherhood is devotion. And you got to listen carefully.

I learned not to listen to others so much.

Others know shit... they don't know your baby. Your baby is different. Not every baby is the same. Those charts mean nothing. Their baby probably don't cry all night long.

And they probably have never cried with their baby at 3 am because he doesn't want to go to sleep.

But there was me... crying, loudly, like a teenager with a broken heart because my empty chest didn't make my son go to sleep. I was exhausted. At the edge of going crazy. And I doubted
myself. Is this meant to be? What the hell I'm doing wrong? This gentle parenting is bullshit. Parenting is not gentle. Parenting hurts, it makes you cry at 3 am.

And there we were... both crying in bed.

He noticed he wasn't the only one crying. And he turned his face, he rolled over and touched my face. My son recognized my sadness and frustration for the first time. He kept touching my face and making his signature happy noise. I stopped crying and got my faith back into to my body.

I've had many nights like that...

Motherhood reminds me of the Sadhus in India. There most be a Sadhu that cried over delicious ripe fruits because they made a promise of not eating it. But they know that the sacrifice is worth it...more than worth it. They know they will learn something from that spiritual "challenge" and that its going to get "easier".

And it does get easier. Especially in the mornings...

My guru wakes up so happy to see me. He seems to know what kisses are already, or at least he values closeness. I know he wants me to forget about my own monsters and my own doubts. In the mornings, motherhood seems so different. Such a happy place. A place to recharge batteries and humble myself once again; to put all my faith in the Guru...because he seems to know how to guide me. How to teach me better lessons from and for the heart.

I trust him.

Like a very loyal devotee.

I'm getting there...

The birth of a Prince

By

Aaron J. Adams-Suarez

Everyone talks about birth as being “the most amazing experience of his 

or her life.” But to talk about something in that way to someone who  

hasn’t experienced it, is like trying to describe color to a blind  

person. When my son was born, all five of my senses were heightened as 

much as they possibly could be. My wife had been screaming at me for  

over 24 hours. To see her lying on the bed, ready to push brought a  

great stillness to the room. Similar to “the calm before the storm.” 

When she finally started to push. Chaos seemed to flood the room. She 

had been pushing for an hour before he began to “crown.” His thick,  

curly, black hair was stuck to his head by the blood and birth fluids. 

With just a few more big pushes, he entered this world at 2:37 am.  

From the moment he came out, to getting cleaned up, weighed, measured, 

to swaddled and held by his new parents, his eyes never averted mine. 

To this day, he spends most of his waking hours staring at his papa.

Mama Milk Muesli

So, this muesli its kinda like the granola you buy in a box but better... and it has 3 essentials ingredients that are known to increase breast milk supply: oats, flax seeds and peanut butter. I usually eat oatmeal with peanut butter in the morning but this is a great variation to that.

Serve with fruit and soy/coconut yogurt and voila!

Vegan Peanut Butter Muesli

1 1/3 cup of oats
4 tbs of flax meal (grounded flax seeds)
4 tbs of vegan butter
3 tbs of sugar or agave
1/2 of peanut butter
1/2 of nuts (pecan, walnuts, almonds)
Optional: raisins or dried berries.

Preheat the oven to 350 and prepare a baking sheet.
In a bowl mix oats, flax meal and nuts.
In a small sauce pan, on medium heat, melt butter then add the peanut butter and the agave or sugar.
Pour the wet ingredients over the oats, flax and nuts and mix well.
Spread the mixture over the baking sheet and bake for 15-20 minutes or until crunchy.

You can eat it right away or store it in a container. Buen provecho!

la mitad

Mi amor,

You are almost half a year old. I imagined you and dreamt about you since I knew you were growing in my belly. I knew way before that morning I took my first pregnancy test that you were "here" and not because of morning sickness but because your presence was beyond obvious. I felt different. Occupied. I imagined you, and deep in my subconscious I wanted you when I realized I wanted to be with your Papa for the rest of my life. You were going to be the promise of the most beautiful love I'd experienced. Imagining you was easy but you have been more than that. More than perfection and open windows. I thought I was going to teach you things, teach you how to talk or look at things...but in reality I haven't taught you much. Instead you make me look at complicated things in a simple way, you are sweet in the mornings after being up all night, you for the first time recognized my sadness and gave me happiness, you are gentle and loving and I wish I was more like you. More innocent but wise. More infinite but little. I ask you every day to stay little, and I know its selfish and unrealistic. I know you are going to fly away from me one day... but you chose me to be your mom and that should be enough. I know what it is to have a full, big, perfect belly because of you. I know what it is to have a full bed because of you. I know what it is to have a full house because of you. I know, mi vida, what it is to have a full heart because of you... and that's something no one can't ever take away from me. My heart will always be full because of you.

I love you, mi criatura divina. So much, it hurts... and you will never know no matter how much I tell you.

We are over Instagram (@ompachamama) just in case you want to see lots and lots of picture of Che.  I'm starting a serie of hashtags called #Chedreams to keep track of all the pictures I have of him sleeping...because there is nothing cuter than that. Follow us!

Our bed, not yours

(An open letter about cosleeping)

            I knew that as I treated my son in the womb, I would continue listening to him on the earth side. We didn’t even question the sleeping arrangement we wanted to make for him. At first, Aaron bought a ton of wood to build Che’s very own crib but soon we realized that a crib wasn’t “us” at all. So, what did he do with the wood? He built a family bed. A bed for all of us.

Knowing that bed sharing has been part of the lives of families for centuries in different cultures around the world (did you know that in Japan where bedsharing and breastfeeding is a norm, the rates of the infant death syndrome are the LOWEST IN THE WORLD), we found that it was logical to keep Che close to us after his birth.  Despite all the stinky eyes from our families and the fears they had of us “smashing” the baby during our sleep, we listened to our gut/ovaries/testicles, because we are the parents of this baby and we stand firm by our decision of keeping him close to us. The transition to life outside the womb is traumatic enough: Che experienced a change in temperature, more loud and abrupt noises,  hard surroundings, air instead of water, clothes instead of nakie bum, SPACE: so much space. Suddenly, after “life” changes completely and after being so snuggled up inside of mom you have to live with all “this” space around you.  How would you explain a newborn that her place in this world now is away from the person who kept them inside of her for 9 months? That first week of us as a family of three I spent it on the couch, sleeping with Che on my chest. It was the only way he would sleep AND let me sleep. It was part of my instinct when I figured out that he wasn’t going to sleep if he wasn’t on me but later on I read about Dr. Nils Bergman, of the University of Capetown, who recommends that for an optimal development healthy newborns should sleep on their mother’s chest for the first weeks. Duh! It makes perfect sense! He was THAT close to me and society wants me to put him in a crib? No, thanks.

            People would keep complaining openly to us about our choice (choices...but that would have to wait for another post) and there was nothing I could say that would take that image off of their head of us killing our baby in bed. And of course there was not going to be someone in our apartment helping us by getting up with us every time the baby cried if we ever decided to have a nursery.   * deep sighs * Always amazed by how vocal people are about other’s people parenting decisions and how LITTLE they have in the matter.

            I can’t talk about the benefits  of a crib/nursery because we didn’t have one. But before even reading about all the benefits and studies made on cosleeping/bed-sleep sharing I knew that what we were doing was the right “move”. My midwife immediately approved to our decision. She was actually happy about it and would tell us to tell other people against cosleeping that she recommended it (yeah, cause people feel more inclined to hear these crazy things are oh-kay if someone with a degree says its oh-kay *roll eyes*). 

She told me about this couple, client of hers, that had a nursery. She said it was beautiful. They had so many things in that room. But it was on a downstairs floor. The parents used to sleep in a whole different floor away from their newborn!!! And I have to say, to each their own…but if that was us I would’ve drive myself crazy. Why, you ask? 

1- Che had very bad reflux. He used to cry non stop no matter what I did. Yes, babies cry, but it was obvious he was in pain. 2- He also nursed/nurses very often during the night. And after the nursing came the crying.  Yes, because of the reflux. If we had a nursery/crib I would’ve not been able to sleep in my bed, literally. I mean it, literally.  And then after seeing him throwing up while being on his back my paranoid self thought: if my baby chokes and stops breathing while being in a crib, how I’m going be able to recognize it? Yes, monitors, you say. Fuck monitors, I say.

            Before starting to read about cosleeping (to “defend” myself against the “world”) I knew/felt that sharing sleep and bed with my baby would develop a sense of awareness about this other being next to me different from the awareness you have when you sleep with someone else, say a significant other. And that is one of the many benefits I love about cosleeping: that awareness helps the mother AND the baby respond to each other cues and sensory signals, not only during bed time. Studies show that babies sleeping near the parents have more stable temperatures, regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone, according to Dr. Sears.

            James McKenna, PhD,  suggests that cosleeping responsibly could safe lives. Dr. Sears, on the other hand, says that bed sharing is safer than crib sleeping by quoting The Consumer Product Safety Commission that published data describing infants dying in adults beds, BUT the data showed more than 3 times as many crib related infant fatalities compared to bed sharing accidents. Quoting another study Sears concludes that cosleeping did not increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mom was a smoker or abused alcohol (and I’m going to add: drugs and obesity). So, yes, accidents do happen but under sad circumstances. McKenna compares the fear of killing a baby in bed with parents who drive drunk with their infants in their cars seats, unstrapped. Because these babies die in car accidents nobody can drive with babies in their cars because, duh, car transportation is mortal for infants.

               So, when you say we are going to kill Che during our sleep, you are implying we are not responsible and that we haven't read shit about parenting and that we are winging this whole thing. And we don't appreciate that.

MIND YOUR OWN BED.

Here, some articles about cosleeping: 

Cosleeping and Biological Imperatives: Why Human Babies Do Notand Should Not Sleep Alone

11 benefits of cosleeping

Scientific Benefits of Co-sleeping

Co-sleeping: Yes?, No?, Sometimes?