Resolutions, what?

I never make New Year's resolutions because...well, I never keep up with them, so I try to be honest with myself. I feel like since becoming a mom I haven't paid attention to me and since Che developed TSW I ABSOLUTELY forgot about me: as a woman, wife, friend... as an empowered human being.

Going back to work was a wake up call: I need to care for myself in order to be healthy (especially mentally) and capable to take care of a little one. I am not JUST a mom, I am so much more and I need to start seeing myself as such.

So I owe it to myself and to my family to keep this resolutions as a sacred promise.

Here it goes. My resolutions:

1- Working out: I already started going to the gym/eating cleaner/taking supplements and it feels amazing!
2- Write: Writing is such a huge part of who I used to be and it made me so happy. I need to write more, I need to find my bliss.
3- Read: I have set a goal for this year to read a book (not parenting related) every month. I already started reading and I don't know why I haven't made space for something I love so much.
4- Keep up with this blog. *winky face*

I hope this year brings you everything your heart desires. Go write some resolutions. Make it sweet.

V is for Vegan : Review

So, we live in a semi omnivore world. I get it. Raising a vegan kid in an omni world means that there is play kitchen items that imitate milk, chicken, hot dogs or hamburgers. Or children books that tell our young seeds that drinking milk is good for their bones; sugar coating the cruelty of zoos, showing happy animals in cages.

But Ruby Roth gives to vegan parents an option to all of that cruelty we don't want to include in our story time. Not only V is for Vegan (Che's favorite from Roth series) teaches kids the A,B,C but it tells them about the importance of being kind and compassionate to animals, which for parents is a great way to introduce "the talk" about why we don't eat animals or animal products.

One of my favorite things about this book is that Che recognizes that we don't eat chicken or cow but coconut, beans, rice, oatmeal, etc. The A,B,C includes almost all the staples on a vegan diet, which makes for a fun way to practice every day food words with my little vegan.

Vegan is Love is a little bit more complicated for Che still, but V is for Vegan is simple, short, easy to follow and more importantly: ethical veganism explained in a way my 2 year old can understand.

HCLF Vegan meal plan

Since this blog is based on our veganism + family, I'm giving you our meal plan for the week. Only 6 days because I give myself some space for lazyness or if we decide to go out.

I never plan for breakfast or lunch because we usually have the same thing/leftovers/ just very simple meals: smoothie, fruit, toast, pb&j (made with sunflower butter because Che is allergic to peanuts), Amy's soup, grilled cheeze sandwiches, granola and yogurt, etc.

Easy peasy.

Hope this give you some inspiration!

Taco Salad (Southwestern dressing) ~ recipe from The Chicago Diner cookbook	Chick’n Sandwiches + oven fries	Tofu ricotta Lasagna
Sweet potato + black beans quesadillas	Fried rice + TJ vegan egg rolls	Nachos

Us, the terrible two

Guru,

I (we)'ve been busy.

[We have been growing].

I haven't wrote letters for you anymore; not like I used to.

We moved, mama got a job, and you... You, guru, won't stop growing.

Every day you challenge me. You make me put myself in time out almost every day cause I get so frustrated with you! You are so wild, my seed... You remind me so much of me, little fire ~ lion. But oh, you are also the sweetest. You talk so much, and say and do the funniest things. People look at you sometimes and say "oh, the terrible twos!" But I dont think you are terrible, my Sun; my sweet. You are strong, powerful, with lots of opinions. You are determined, stubborn and you are also caring, compassionate, giving and pure magic. There is nothing terrible about you, my dear. People just don't speak your language. But I do. I get you. I am like you, too. The storm and the calm. We are allowed to be that: ying and yang.  Please, know that... You are allowed to FEEL as loud as you want.  Please, do: FEEL. & understand when mama feels too.

& when you grow older, I hope that you see how much I try every day, for you:
To be the mama you need; the mama that sees YOU. The mama that looks at you every day and can't believe the masterpiece that is the whole you.

Why I did(n't) change my last name?

If you know me, you know I'm a hopeless (more like a hope~full) romantic. I love to be in love. I want to be in love. I have craved to be in love when I wasn't. I never really wanted the big wedding or the white dress but I wanted a husband and a family. And I found him: the one. He asked me to marry him. And then the question: "Does that mean I HAVE to change my last name?"

I know many women my age who has decided not to change their last name and I thought "that's the feminist thing to do". Why would I go through all the (lets be honest) pain-in-the-butt paperwork drama to change my last name after getting married but not my husband? Why would I want to change who I AM in terms of a "paper" identity? It felt to me like too much of a property statement: now I am Mrs. _____.

In Hispanic cultures women get to keep their last names after getting married. In fact, children get to have their mother's last name too. I did. I wanted that for my child too. It was so sad for me to think of having a child who would not have part of my name in his/hers after having him 9 months inside of me and after pushing him out of my vagina. It didn't seem fair.

I respect women who decide to change their last name, but *I* have a hard time accepting the concept. Whenever we (my now husband and I) would go to doctor's appointment while I was pregnant it always seemed to be an issue that I didn't carry his last name (yet). Like our marriage wasn't "visible" enough for everyone. Like I wasn't registered as his wife.

I had an important CHOICE to make. At the time I expressed my concern to Him about me not wanting to change my last name or about my dad's reaction. Like the wonderful-feminist Human my husband is he said it was up to me but that it would be nice if I carry his last name. My hopefull romantic self thought it would be nice too. So one day I proposed to him us both change our last name... and he agreed.

To me, our marriage meant compromise from both ends and the start of something new. His life was about to change too, it wasn't only me getting married. Now, our son gets to have both of our names (like I always envisioned) and we get to start a new family name.

This is not a bashing post about women who change their names and me saying they are "less" feminist than me. Not at all. This is me saying: we have options and we can just let go of so many of the patriarchal ways. Even the ones we have been doing for centuries without questioning them. This is me saying we (women) have to move away from the idea that we HAVE to change our last names and from the idea that the women that are not changing theirs are extreme-obsessed feminists who are delusional about altering who they have been for their entire life because they are getting married.

Getting married shouldn't include the process of defining on paper who you were and who you will JUST because of a role or a relationship status. And if that's what you want, at least you shouldn't do it alone.

Topical Steroid Withdrawal + high carb VEGAN diet

        Lots of people have asked me what I feed Che during the day because they have seeing me mentioned the word "raw" or the concept "raw til 4". Che is NOT raw (or even raw til 4 anymore-- at least not as strictly as before), but I try to feed him as much raw fruits and vegetables through out the day until dinner time (when we all eat the same thing).

         After reading a little bit about foods that can trigger his eczema I found that an alkaline diet was a good fit for him. Still there were tons of other foods that I wanted to keep in his diet (like bread, that he loves) that are not so alkaline so I decided to offer him as much fresh produce as possible during the day instead of processed food. Lots of people suffering from eczema say that gluten and processed sugar affect their skin significantly but everyone is different and that was not Che's case. So, I navigated his options and while his high carb vegan diet wasn't a problem, there were triggers that I still had to discover and a topical steroid withdrawal that had to be dealt with.


Tons of people dealing with topical steroid withdrawal have changed their diets with hopes of speeding the healing process and I'm 100% sure Che's skin has improved significantly because of it: to be mindful of any food trigger, include a variety of healthy~organic~nourishing foods in his meal and the total elimination of topical steroids or chemicals (for his skin and for our household) for that matter.
 

Top: Dinner ~ Pesto pasta, coconut yogurt (PROBIOTICS!), salad (kale, celery, carrots, sunflower seeds). Left: Raw Chickpea salad without mayo for lunch. Inspired by Isa does it.

 This is Che at the beginning stages of topical steroid withdrawal. Still lots of allergies to be discovered and not introduced to the raw til 4 diet.    >









AND Che a year plus into withdrawal. Months into raw til 4. Most of his allergies discovered.

     Now: what does Che eat (typically)?!

Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner	Snack
Chia pudding + banana	Green smoothie (spinach, banana, chia+flax seeds, frozen fruit)	Stir fry + jasmine rice, yogurt+molasses, piece of fruit.	Hummus + carrots. Dates
Fruit bowl	He has (at least) a smoothie every day.	Buddah bowl: steamed or roasted sweet potato, broccoli, chickpeas, tahini sauce.	Apple sauce Banana milk

I see more posts about food in this blog's future. Stay tune and ask away if you have any question! 

Raising a Vegan

The other day I asked him: would you eat a cow...a pig...a bunny...a chicken...and so on? And to everything he said "no" while getting more and more uncomfortable (I could see he was about to cry). He doesnt know what veganism means. He doesnt know of labels...at all! But he does know in his heart it doesnt feel right to think about eating animals. Its not logical to him. (Or to me.)

i struggle so hard with holidays. Especially with the ones a dead bird is on the center of the table.

& I still have a couple more years to grow the wisdom to explain to this compassionate human WHY people CHOOSE to kill and eat an animal to celebrate a history of violence.

But for now, I have no idea how in the world I'm gonna break his heart for the first time.

From this side

I remember the day I told my dad I was pregnant. I was so scared. I said: 'dad, I need to tell you something. Please, don't be mad at me.' And he said: 'you are pregnant'.

I was in shock... I couldn't speak.

 'Right?' 

And I whispered a yes. 

He became an infinite laugh and said 'I thought this day was never gonna come'. I was confused: 'what? You are not mad?' And then he said 'I was already given up on you having kids. You only think about school and books... I never thought you were gonna have kids. Its about time! You need to live your life.'

 I cried. I was so happy he was happy. From that day on every time we spoke on the phone he would ask me about the baby first. He was so excited about this new grandbaby!

My dad started to get more and more sick by the time I was ready to give birth. I would call him and he would answer asking if the baby was already 'here'. After my 'nope, not yet', he would say something that would break my heart: 'Im not gonna get to meet him.'

And then I gave birth. And I described my baby to him: 'he has your ears and your nose.' 'He cries a lot during the night.' 'He is so chubby.' And he would say something that would break my heart: 'Im not gonna get to meet the chubby guy...Im old, mija.'

But he waited for us. He met my baby. He spent a whole afternoon with him in his arms. I felt my dad's energy that day: proud, happy, relieved; IN LOVE. I could tell he was so in love. 

We both knew he was not going to see Che grow, but he waited for us. There was ONE thing he needed to do before crossing the river. There was one thing *I* needed before saying goodbye. 

Sometimes I look at Che and he would have the same serious~quite face I remember about my dad. And it makes me happy. That even from the other side of the river he still remembers how to make me smile.

Here

Motherhood is my biggest adventure; my biggest accomplishment even though sometimes it feels like I'm the biggest failure.

I don't expect to know all the answers, neither to be all perfect; so on those days that I feel like I'm losing my shit I leave everything I'm doing, wrap my baby next to my chest and take a walk... ~~ I don't know all the answers. I might feel like a shitty mom sometimes but my guru chose me. From all the souls in the universe he decided my womb was his new home, my arms his new comfort, my bed his new bed. And then all my questions fade. The place between the 'wtf' and the 'what if' become the sacred space of the now, of the infinite learning, the infinite grateful spirit, the I dont wanna be anywhere but HERE. 

Discovery

Che~our seed, my Guru~ is a son of the Earth. Some days he wakes up all happy and excited. I see him looking outside our bedroom window, waiting for me to open my eyes. And when I do he points outside in his sweet way of telling me that is time to greet, discover and conquer the world.

Wearing Che came as natural as breathing and I know he remembers me always close to him; always promising him that I was going to show him the world. 

And, really, there is no other place I rather be than here...with him.

 I would take his little froggied body outside, cuddle up next to my chest, to breath in the magic... and I will tell him all about the flowers blooming; all about the birds. That's how Che started discovering the world.

Soon he would start fighting his nap just so that he could keep absorbing everything surrounding us. And he still does because growing is still happening (for the both of us) even though we've come a long way; we've learned from each other. He has helped me explore languages I didn't recognize because I promised him I would let him guide me.

Motherhood is about listening, humbling, devotion. 

I carry him because he lets me.

I know one day he will not want me to hold him anymore. I know he will want to discover the world all on his own, without me. And I have to let him, though Im sure I will be watching from the distance. But for now, I'm here. And I will be forever grateful that he let me see oh so much magic through his eyes; that he shows me everything new again.

Life is sweet when I'm carrying you, little dude. Thank YOU for letting me.

~*~

This post is part of the Tula Wanderlust Project.

Che & I are wearing a Standard Woven Conversion Oscha Aria Leto by Tula. You can follow them on Instagram and see this and other collaborations live! 

Teacher

I wish I could teach you about everything...but I can't. And you will find out one day. And one day you are probably going to question me; question everything I did/taught you. And you are probably going to be mad at me.

I will understand.
I will remain silent.
And if I don't: remind me that you need your space. That is your birth right to be mad.

I will wait for you.

The thing is, Guru... It scares me to think about all these things. Me teaching you. That's scary. That's a lot of pressure.

You, Guru, are everything I'm not. And when I look at you that's all I can think about. You came from me but you are not of me. You are a thousand times more holier, more beautiful...WISER.

I cannot teach you about forgiveness, because that's your nature.

Your nature is to forgive. To love endlessly. With compassion.
I know you forgive me everyday. I know you know I'm learning. I know because you have taught me.

Be patient with me as you grow.
I will try to be a good teacher.
A better student.

The year that my Guru was born

2013, the year that my Guru was born, was a gloomy year.

When I gave birth everything changed; switched. A mother can be vulnerable as a drop of water; majestic like a mountain.

I didn't fear birth. But 2013, the year that my Guru was born, was a year of fears.

Sometimes I can't remember what it was like to have a newborn; a 6month old...a nine month old. Everything is blurry now: I was exhausted, happy and sad. Feeling all the feelings. Sometimes I felt incomplete; other days I felt that I had too much.

I became a mother.

So, now I have to look back more than often to make me remember of those days of ecstasy and surreal dreams: I made a human. A perfect human being.

Making a human sounded like an infinite project. It is. My heart feared. Was I asleep? Did I dream of tiny piggies and endless days and nights of nursing? Did I really sustained life just with the nectar of my breasts?

I did.

2015, the year on which I have a 18 month old, is the year that I'm awakening. I'm finding myself again. On every corner of the house; there I am, discovering the joys of motherhood. There I am LEARNING to be a better a mother. There I am asking for forgiveness if I mess up. There I am drugged with bliss. HERE I am: embracing the chaos and the calm. The magic and the tantrums. The teething and the cuddles.

Did I REALLY make that human? That whole human being with real feelings, real opinions, a personality of his own...

I did.

And its surreal and oh so real, all at the same time.

Motherhood is such a trip. A good one. A badass one.