Guru,
Its 2:31 in the morning and I can't sleep. I look at you from time to time because I love watching you sleep (you will find out when I show you all your sleeping pictures). This journey has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. I often wonder what Im gonna learn from all of this.
Being a mom hurts. Sometimes.
There its so much that I dont know.
There its a lot of fear. But also laughs.
And your little body carrying that thrifted dinosaur you love so much.
You are simple, guru. People buy you gifts but you prefer to play with the box. You prefer to look at my lips move when Im reading you a story.
You find joy, pure joy, in fruits.
And food, in general.
I know that you dont understand whats happening to you and its so hard for me to watch you going through this because when you are upset I cant remember that joyful baby of mine. It all seems so distant.
Im here with you but Im not. I cant relate to you. I cant heal you. I cant make you sleep better.
One thing its for sure, my teacher:
You only need my arms to be happy.
People might say I let you suffer but they dont know about the hours we spend on the couch hugging just so that you dont think about your pain.
One day, you will grow older and I hope you dont remember this part of your life that you dont deserve. But I do hope you know that hugs are the best medicine.
For an itchy itchy bod.
For a heart~aching mama,
That every day wonders if she is doing it right.
Dear Che,
ReplyDeleteyou are so phenomenally beautiful, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I say so many prayers and send Reiki out to you, it's all I can do but I sure wish I could do more. you have a mama and a papa who are so diligent in their devotion to heal you. they do it through means of their divine love and tireless research and healing foods and herbs. they do it through means, that although may be a longer road, will in the end strengthen your body and create true and optimal healing, and not weaken it like the quicker and toxic means recommended to them which over time will only deplete and most likely destroy parts of your beautiful body. I know your mama can feel helpless at times but I know that you are patient and have the utmost faith in her and your papa, and so do I (and, in you, too). you chose well when you chose them, and you brighten their hearts and their world in a way that most people could only dream. we three love you three.
with love and light,
tammy,
Colin,
and
Kora