When I gave birth everything changed; switched. A mother can be vulnerable as a drop of water; majestic like a mountain.
I didn't fear birth. But 2013, the year that my Guru was born, was a year of fears.
Sometimes I can't remember what it was like to have a newborn; a 6month old...a nine month old. Everything is blurry now: I was exhausted, happy and sad. Feeling all the feelings. Sometimes I felt incomplete; other days I felt that I had too much.
I became a mother.
So, now I have to look back more than often to make me remember of those days of ecstasy and surreal dreams: I made a human. A perfect human being.
Making a human sounded like an infinite project. It is. My heart feared. Was I asleep? Did I dream of tiny piggies and endless days and nights of nursing? Did I really sustained life just with the nectar of my breasts?
I did.
2015, the year on which I have a 18 month old, is the year that I'm awakening. I'm finding myself again. On every corner of the house; there I am, discovering the joys of motherhood. There I am LEARNING to be a better a mother. There I am asking for forgiveness if I mess up. There I am drugged with bliss. HERE I am: embracing the chaos and the calm. The magic and the tantrums. The teething and the cuddles.
Did I REALLY make that human? That whole human being with real feelings, real opinions, a personality of his own...
I did.
And its surreal and oh so real, all at the same time.
Motherhood is such a trip. A good one. A badass one.
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